professing hope
March 11, 2016

I woke up like this. It always makes me laugh when I see shirts and hashtags like this. I take a look at myself, my growing bump of 28 weeks and think “NO WAY, DID I WAKE UP LIKE THIS!” It has been such a long journey. Five years of infertility to get pregnant once and loose sweet Oliver. Several more failed IUI’s. Another year and pregnant again but loosing Emery after our first round of IVF. 200+ shots that either I or Nick gave to me. More vitamins, different minerals, oils, blood draws and acupuncture. Even eating the core of several pineapples. Late nights reading any and every article on how to become pregnant and that’s only after learning what all the BCP, TTC, BFP, BFN, DPO, HCG, HSG…. (seriously I could go on) acronyms meant.

All of that, got me here. Sitting on the couch with my laptop, feeling two precious little girls moving inside me. But while this is the moment I have waited for, I have friends that are miscarrying, others grieving the loss of family members and some that still have empty wombs that long to feel life. And my heart just breaks for them and I feel completely helpless. I’ve been there and I still can’t figure out what to say. Saying nothing isn’t an option because I remember the loneliness and feeling like no one understands. But I don’t need to come up with my own words when God has so sufficiently provided His own words already.

Romans 12:12 ” Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Revelation 2:10 “Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.”

James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

1 Corinthians 15:58 “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you.”

Psalm 112:6-7 “Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”

Psalm 29:11 “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.”

Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

These are the words I read when I’m still scared to walk into the ultrasound room for fear of bad news. These are the words I read when I miss my babies in Heaven. His words are the words I sing over my doubts. His words are the words I pray over you today, my friends.

You are not alone.


2 responses to “I woke up like this.”

  1. Amanda says:

    What an encouraging post for those going through a trial or suffering today. I am so happy for you and Nick. What an adventure you have been on with the Lord.

  2. Carla says:

    I know you know that I too lost a precious unborn baby, but years later, that’s not the pain I immediately reflect on when I read this verses. It’s the pain of a tortured, abusive and destructive marriage. Those verses, and other like them, carried me thru pain I didn’t think I could bear, and eventually brought me to the joy I now have in my life. I’m so glad that you too have your horrible pain behind you and I hope that you never again have to rely on those verses in the same way you have over the past several years. ?

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