I remember it as if it were yesterday. The sun was shining while I was pushing my baby brother in the stroller. It might have been because I was the oldest of four children or the fact that I have a mother with a servant heart but I stopped the stroller, leaned over and wiped my brother’s snotty nose with my shirt.
Then. She. Said. It.
My babysitters words still ring in my ears, “You’re going to be a great mom someday.”
Fast forward several years to the summer of 2006. My college sweetheart asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. Nick is one of the best parts of my life. So started plans for graduation, careers, wedding, honeymoon, life. I knew I wanted to start a family with Nick someday but I also wanted to enjoy being newly weds. So without a second thought I started taking birth control. It was what most people did, I had thought. Nick and I were married in June of 2008 and we spent the whole next year getting to know each other and enjoying being newlyweds.
After our one year anniversary we decided that we would be ok to start a family. I gladly stopped taking my birth control. We just wanted it to happen in God’s time. I think back about how excited and paranoid I was the next couple of months. I think we bought pregnancy tests as much as we bought cheese. And I like my cheese! I would think up crazy and fun ways of how I would share the good news to my family and friends and dream up what specific characteristics our baby would inherit from each of us. A couple of disappointing months went by but that was ok. There was always next month. Then next month turned into going on five years.
Infertility. It’s something no one talks about but so many people go through. It consumes your life, your thoughts, your emotions. It steals your joy and robs your self-worth. The spirit of jealousy and rage sneak up on you and the whole time you feel as though you’re the only one in the world not getting pregnant or throwing an over-the-top Pinterest inspired birthday party, or instagraming a photo of you snuggling with your own little bundle of joy. Through this whole process Nick and I have been pretty quiet about it. But why? It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve come to the realization that infertility like any other obstacle in life should be shared and supported by those around you, who love you and want to be an encouragement.
So this is my story, our journey. My desire is that by sharing our struggles and successes, what keeps us going and able to get up in the morning, it would encourage others to keep pressing on. To be real with you, whether you are going through this personally or know of someone going through it. That we can all live lives filled with hope and see blessings in the midst of our circumstances. We should be there for each other because we were not meant to walk this alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…”.
AND THE BEST PART: We have not given up! The Doctors can’t find an explanation of why we haven’t been able to conceive, yet we are still believing that one day we will have a little family of our own. I’m not going to say it’s part of God’s plan that we haven’t had children but I will say that God uses us right where we are if we aren’t afraid to step out of the boat.